Friday, March 31, 2006

Those of you who read my main blog Lizards in the Leaves know that my son Patrick died on March 18, the day I wrote my last entry here. I have not been able to bear coming to this blog and reading my last entries because they were so full of him, of his moving the last of his things out, of his getting his car, of the huge change that made in my life, of how we were going to use his old room....

I am living moment by moment and each one can be radically different. I do intend to resume my journey here because....because I have to do that. In fact, it seems more imperative than ever. But it surely will be a bit different journey.

We now have all of our son's possessions to care for. In the grand scheme of things, he didn't have a lot. We decided the only way we could get through doing this is to consider the care of his earthly things to be sacred acts.

When I started this blog, I felt this it would be documenting and helping me on a journey that had spiritual dimensions, but I didn't realize how spiritual those dimensions could be. One of the driving forces behind my desire to simplify and de-clutter my life was indeed the fear of leaving a big sad bunch of Stuff for my children to deal with when I die. And that is certainly something to consider when we buy and acquire and accumulate.

My son left behind, for the most part, things which had significant meaning for him. As bone-deep sad as it is to handle these things and think about giving them away, because these objects were meaningful to him, it becomes a significant way to grieve --to let them, and him, go with one more act of our love for him.
Love. It's everything.
Everything.

3 Comments:

Blogger Peacock said...

I'm out here for you... if there is ever anything I can do to help.

10:50 PM, March 31, 2006  
Blogger ramblingmuse said...

Zann,

I'm just checking in after quite a hiatus. I'm SO sorry to hear this. I'm gonna catch up on your blogs. You and your family are in my prayers in in my thoughts.

*hugs*

3:05 AM, April 06, 2006  
Anonymous Jennelle said...

I also am so sorry to hear about your son.

*Hugs*

Love,

Jennelle

9:29 PM, October 23, 2006  

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